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by Serena Wang, translated Henry Tung
The Chinese culture places a great importance on personal integrity. When our ancestors invented the Chinese character for the word integrity, they simply combined the Chinese character "Person" with "Word". In other words, a man's word spells his integrity. This differs greatly from the Western culture, where everything needs to have proper documentation to back it up. So how much is integrity worth in our modern society?
I recall all the way back when I was in grade school. My Chinese, ethics, and history classes all had different stories about heroes that always kept their promises. These great stories certainly had a positive influence in my childhood. I vowed to be a promise keeper for the rest of my life.
Is it possible to have integrity today?
As I was growing up, I started to notice that the ethics and integrity stressed in the classroom weren't really happening out in society. The "real world" can sometimes be cruel to people who keep their promises. Who cares about keeping promises these days? In fact, a promise keeper can even be viewed as a fool at times. Regardless of what our society has become, we need to stick by our principles and values. Keeping a promise is always a beautiful thing.
Recently I read a book called A Promise Kept. It turned out to be one of the best books I've ever read. My husband loved it so much that he read it several times and bought about a dozen more copies to give to family and friends. The author of the book is Dr. Robertson McQuilkin, who was the president of Columbia University in South Carolina for 22 years. In 1990, he decided to step down from his prestigious post in order to take care of his wife Julie. Julie had Alzheimer's disease and required constant care 24 hours a day.
Although he didn't think much about his decision, the impact of his decision was tremendous around many parts of the world. Some people credited his paramount love with no regrets for his wife, while others felt his decision was a great loss for the academic world.
Choosing to keep his word
Dr. McQuilkin and his wife Julie were fulltime missionaries in Japan for 12 years. Julie also worked in the academics field, public broadcasting and student counseling for many years. When Dr. McQuilkin walked away from his position as the University president, he was at the peak of his career. Nevertheless, he chose to give up his fame, accomplishments, job and wealth solely to take care of his wife 24 hours a day.
Some people suggested that he should get a caretaker to do the job. Or consider placing her in a nursing home to free him up. But he refused to do either. It is simply because he made a promise before God at his wedding many years ago. That "For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and for better or for worse, he will love her, take care and protect her, for as long as they both shall live." "My wife needs me to accompany her and walk by her side to complete the final stage of her life", he added.
According to research, when a wife is struck with a terminal disease, 90% of the husbands in that situation will choose to leave. So what power helped Dr. McQuilkin to win the battles against the tragedies in his life? In a short span of time, the life of his eldest son was lost in an accident, then his wife developed Alzheimer's disease. That led him to walk away from a glorious career with unlimited potentials. He could choose to grumble and regret, but instead he chose to continue loving his wife and keep his vow before God. I've gained some useful insights from his book and would like to share a couple of points:
- Have a thankful heart. When he was feeling God is becoming distant, Dr. McQuilkin remembered that God loves him, even sacrificed His only son on the cross to save us. If God loves him this much, he is confident that there is no reason for him to suffer without a purpose. He knew God is faithful and will guide him through the rough times.
- Recognize the care and concerns of others. His friends all over the world, plus his family and children all cared, supported and helped him to have the strength and courage to continue the battle. These friends and family don't expect anything in return, because the McQuilkins have done the same before in helping others. A conclusion from the Wisdom of Life: If you don't plant friendships in the spring and summer, you'll end up having a lonesome winter.
- Remember the good qualities of others.
When Dr. McQuilkin was feeling down, he always thought about the wonderful memories he had. Whenever he reflected back on the happy times he had with his wife, that brought him joy, and sometimes tears from the joy. My friend, don't be trapped in bitterness and greed. That will only bring you more agony and grief. We can choose to live in misery or we can choose to live a life full of happiness and joy. It's your pick.
Dr. McQuilkin's wife Julie has this true love of the purest kind from her husband, who always loved her and always will. Who wouldn't be envious of this kind of love? Maybe you hope to experience this genuine love yourself. You might not have noticed, but you are a woman deeply loved by God.
Are you looking for a place to fit in, somewhere where you are loved for who you are not what you can do for people? There is love like that in the world. You matter to God. He loves you so much that He gave His only Son for you. You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.
Related Reading:
The High Cost of Commitment
Rebuilding Trust
Laws of Success