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I had an "attitude." I'm sure you've heard that phrase before, but to me it was real. Only I didn't recognize it at the time.
I come from a family of six children and I am the second youngest child. My parents started our family in their early twenties and my younger brother was born when Mom was forty-five. Dad was fifty-six. There were seventeen years between the first-born twins and the youngest child. They loved us all, but they were a little weary by the time my brother and I were born. They worked very hard providing wonderful meals and a comfortable home for us.
My father was a respected accountant for a large firm, which meant that he had to commute into the city every day and was usually worn out by the time he returned in the evenings. He found his comfort and relaxation in a bottle of whiskey.
I missed him a great deal and it hurt me to see him killing himself with alcohol. My hurt turned to anger, my anger to resentment, and my resentment to hatred. My attitude took hold: "I don't need you, I can do it on my own, I'll do it my way. I not only don't need you, I don't need anyone else either."
I lost respect for myself, my father and my family and hid behind a wall of pride. I put up a false front that everything was "fine." I only wanted to have a normal family like I though everyone else had.
Up to the age of fourteen I had tried to be good, hoping that if I behaved a certain way he would see that we all loved and needed him. Later, I started trying to gain my father's attention by making choices that I knew he would disapprove of. But my choices didn't rescue him and they caused me a lot of grief.
Circumstances went from bad to worse, yet no matter what I did wrong I was able to convince myself that I was still a good person. I finally came to a point where my life was such a mess that I realized I was not wonderful at all.
I needed help and had nowhere to turn. I tried psychologists and psychiatrists but they didn't help. I was getting desperate and started thinking that my life was not really worth keeping. At this point, I was married. My husband was sort of there, like my father had been. The only thing that kept me going was my children.
A neighbour from across the street, who had been babysitting our children on occasion, came to me one evening while my husband was at work. She told me that my seven year old son was worried about me and she asked if I needed a friend.
She was very kind to us–a single girl living on her own and completely different from anyone I had known. What made her different was that she was a Christian.
I started seeing this girl as being everything I had once wanted to be but couldn't. She had a real purity and sweetness about her and she cared more than anyone I had met before. She was quite surprised when I asked her one day if I could go to church with her. I had an ulterior motive, of course.
She had told me of a school where children were loved and very happy. It was a Christian school, but you had to be a member of her church in order to have your children attend. I saw no harm in going to church if it meant that my son could go to such a wonderful school. After all, I had attended a church sometimes as a child. I had even sung in the choir a few times. That should get us in. My husband didn't even mind.
So she took us to her church. It was very different–the music was beautiful, like I had never heard before, and the people were so friendly. The preacher made so much sense.
Then someone in the congregation said that he believed there were some people there who didn't know that "Jesus is the way, the truth and the life–no one comes to the Father but by Him. If you want to receive Jesus as your Saviour and fill in that piece of the pie that has been missing out of your life, please stand where you are and let us pray with you."
There was not a shadow of a doubt in my mind. I knew God existed but didn't know that Jesus was the way to Him. Jesus was definitely the piece of the pie that had been missing out of my life.
I stood up and said a prayer that went something like this:
Dear Lord Jesus, I recognize that you are the Son of God and declare that I need you. Thank you for dying on the cross for me that I may know life abundantly. I ask you now to come into my life and fill the void that only you can fill. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take my life as an offering of praise to you and make me the kind of person you want me to be.
After I prayed, I felt a deep sense of peace that I didn't need to blame myself any longer. God had brought me this far to introduce me to His Son. Now I was introduced to Him, I wanted to know Him more. I was full of joy in knowing that I was forgiven for all the things I had done wrong and loved unconditionally.
I had a love for life and people that I had not known. I found my life was really worth living. I had a Father in heaven that had given His only Son in order to save someone like me. With someone like that loving me so much, I could face anything this world held for me.
Now I am no longer alone, no longer rejected, no longer unloved, no longer poor, no longer independent. I am a daughter of the King of Kings.
Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?
Living with hope
If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.
Is this the life for you?
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you'll experience life to the fullest.
