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by Laurie Wang
Instead of trading spaces, ABC’s hit reality TV show is about trading wives! Lydia Allison, an etiquette teacher from Starkville, Mississippi, swaps her family, of husband and three properly mannered and meticulously groomed children for Maureen Hagerty’s chaotic, environmentally unfriendly (they use paper plates for meals), uncontrollable family of a husband and three boys. In an exclusive interview, Lydia tells us more about her two-week exchange and shares a few behind the scene secrets from Wife Swap.
Q: How did you get to appear on the show?
A: I had a message on my voice mail from one of the producers of ABC when I came home from the Classy Kids Academy, the etiquette school I founded. They mentioned the reality TV show and how they wanted to feature a mom who teaches manners and etiquette. At first, just hearing the words “wife swap” was very surprising. I didn’t know how legitimate it was as I hadn’t heard about the show before and was not in any way interested in switching husbands or sleeping with a stranger! But I asked some of my friends about it. They were more on the conservative side, and told me the show was great and completely clean. So I applied, and very soon after, ABC interviewed my family for the show. In no time, I was packing my bags to spend two weeks with a family I didn’t even know.
Q: How did you prepare yourself for the swap?
A: I prayed that I would love this family as my own. I wanted to truly care for them and be willing to give them my time off camera too. And surely, I did fall in love with this family. The first days were really tough. I missed my husband and kids so much because we didn’t get to talk to each other the whole time I was away. I got to know the three boys better and finally gained their trust and friendship. At first some may think they’re little devils, but in the end, you just want to kiss them to pieces. They’re so cute, a great bunch of kids.
Q: What was life like off camera?
A: I felt very safe there. I had my own bedroom and bathroom. I was never alone; there was always a director, producer or camera person around. Sometimes we’d go out for lunch with the crew. Everyone got along very well. I still keep in touch with many of them.
Q: How has this experience changed you?
A: I’ve made many lifetime friendships with the cast and crew. I love the Hagerty family. It was so much fun playing go-fish and football with the boys. I knew I had to work hard at developing a relationship with them as their friend before I could set down any rules. They had no reason to listen to me if they didn’t want to. The first few days started off out of control, but by the end of the two weeks, the boys were doing chores, making beds and cleaning the kitchen. They even wrote an apology to the grocery store and to their father for behaving badly and being disrespectful. They are just so precious to me, and I loved them as my own.
I saw how touched their father was when he was crying. He saw the difference in his children. They learned to respect their father and the people around them.
The Life Swap
The experience was also a great reminder to me of how God created every child and parent and loves each person so much. I was reminded of my own childhood.
I was adopted by a wealthy southern family. My father wasn’t around all the time and I was very insecure as a child. When I got made fun of at school, I couldn’t go home and tell my father because he wasn’t around so I internalized my feelings, pretending they didn’t exist.
My insecurity followed me into my college years. I started having conflicts with my friends because I overreacted a lot. I would think people were laughing at me when they weren’t. I thought they said bad things about me when they didn’t. I worried a lot as a college student.
The insecurity continued to haunt me after college. When my husband and I were engaged, I broke the engagement because I was afraid to get close to a man. My father had just abandoned us at the time to go with another woman. He didn’t come to see me and it broke my heart. I looked up to my father and wanted his approval for everything.
After the engagement was broken, I realized I needed to get help. I would get panic attacks, obsessive compulsive thoughts, anxiety and fear. I sought professional counseling and help. I realized I was angry with my father and God. I asked God, why did you put me in this dysfunctional family? If you didn’t, I wouldn’t be in this mess right now! But I was reminded that Jesus went through worse. He chose to die on the cross for my sins because he loves me. He rose after three days because he is the son of God. He gives me freedom from my insecurities and the lies that I believed.
After my husband and I were engaged again and we actually got married, I realized that I hadn’t forgiven my father yet. I talked to people and got help because my resentment towards him was destroying my life. I sought God through it all, and God gave me the strength and love to finally forgive my dad. When I did forgive him, I felt as if I was the one who was set free. Jesus forgave me and now I can forgive my father.
This is the story that I want people to know—that God changed my life. I swapped my old life of insecurity and resentment for a new life of freedom, love and forgiveness.
Living with hope
If you are looking for peace and security, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here's a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.
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~ Laurie Wang graduated from the University of Alberta with a B.A. in English and is an aspiring journalist. She's a big fan of hockey, shoes and rare steak. Laurie is the Editor for Men Today Online, yet admittedly, she doesn't know another word for "thesaurus."
~ Lydia Allison is an etiquette instructor and the founder of Classy Kids Academy, a manners school with programs for children aged 4-16. She offers etiquette kits that allow parents to take the nagging out of teaching manners and is currently looking for people to help teach programs on manners. Please visit her website www.classykidsacademy.com for more information.