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I just got married and right now I feel as though I'm in mourning. I feel miserable and unhappy. I don't understand why! My husband is wonderful. I truly love him. The only thing is, right now I don't even want to be intimate with him. I look for excuses to be angry with him and I spend most of my time away from him. We don't have any romance and I am feeling absolute despair. Can you steer me in the right direction?
You are right, something is off balance. Most of the gals I've worked with who have expressed similar, post-marital feelings, have some wires crossed in the emotional part of their brain. They are acting on and reacting to unconscious scripts in their heads. I would suggest that you ask around and find a competent therapist to begin meeting with. To get you started, pick up the book, Love is a Choice by Hemfelt, Minirth & Meiers and Changes That Heal by Cloud and Townsend. Your issues are definitely solvable and not unusual, just problematic for you and your husband. Tell me where you live and maybe I can refer someone to you. Focus on the Family also has a good referral system. Thanks for writing.
Dr. Ginger Gabriel, Ph.D., M.F.T., is an author and speaker as well as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in California. With Master of Arts degrees in counseling and missions and a Ph.D. in psychology, she has traveled to Asia, the Middle East and throughout North American giving her four-to fifteen-hour relationship and counseling skill-building seminars.
Her favorite pastimes are kayaking, quilting, hiking and reading novels. She is married to Dr. Stan Gabriel. They have three children and three grandchildren.