My Husband is a Perfectionist

I have been married for thirteen years and we have a two-and-a-half year old daughter. My husband is a wonderful man, but he is a perfectionist to the extreme. He has a very difficult time coping with little interruptions and is very impatient. He gets extremely frustrated when things don't go exactly right. Then - you guessed it - he takes his frustration out on us. I tend to feel guilty because I have not been able to please him. I pray for him every day, that the Lord will help him in dealing and coping with things, but sometimes it gets quite unbearable. My mother-in-law has been very supportive of me, as my husband's father was the exact same way.

 

It sounds to me as though your husband could use medication. From what you have described I could suggest some medications, but I'm not licensed to prescribe. Your doctor, preferably a psychiatrist, will be able to do this.

However, men with this type of personality don't usually go to a doctor, unless they are forced. You can spend your life on medication so his abuses don't hurt so much. Then your daughter will have to take something, to take the edge off of dad's hurts. At some point or another you will probably end up talking to a counselor to learn how to set limits on his abuse. There you will learn how to say, "We love you, but we aren't prepared to live the rest of our lives walking on eggshells to try and keep you from criticizing and getting angry."

Read CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie and any book in the book store on Adult Children of Alcoholics. The more you read, the more you will be able to understand his behavior and how other women have survived it. I have called his behavior alcoholic behavior, over-achieving borderline personality disorders, narcissist behavior . . . no matter what you call it, it is a terrible way to live. It is about avoiding intimacy.

Your therapist will be sympathetic, but also call you to action and personal growth. Does he see that his behavior is inappropriate? Is he interested in changing?

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